Monday, August 06, 2007

unstolen identity and a few ifs

i am writing this while i have all three children tucked away in beds, deep in slumber and summer. it is especially nice to have my oldest home for a sleepover. sage is out there working & making it on his own and still will call and say 'hey, mom. i have a day off. do you want to chill?' God knows how that just stretches my heart around him even more.

i don't know if it is a girlthang or just a methang, but it has been a real process to unwrap myself around an identity this year, the identity as wife. i really never saw myself as not being his wife, ever. our identities as women are such huge parts of our psyches, aren't they? slowly, over the past five months, i have had to completely unwrap myself around this identity that i had embraced for exactly half of my life. twentyone years is a long time. this was huge and quite hard for me...but once it was done, i had to jump to the awakening identity as woman and single mom.

my identity as mother has been the best thing that ever happened to me in my life. i was given the opportunity to mother the way i had always wanted to mother if i ever was a mother. if is the operative word there. growing up as the eldest child, i never felt the need to get married or have children, probably due to the extra responsibilities that oldest children bear...and of course, i was the first of most of my friends to do both. (funny how that works.) in the back of my mind, i knew that if i ever was to be a mother that i wanted to be like meg's mom in my favorite book ever, a wrinkle in time. mrs. murry summed up the perfect mom for me, everavailable and everclever, and of course, everwithacupofcocoa. if i was ever to be a mother, i was gonna roll like her. though, sadly i don't cook on bunsen burners like she did.

a slow unpeeling process has been happening since march and now i am embracing it as a woman, mother, working artist, friend and sister. God, my children, writing, art and my friends have been such a salve for this open soulwound that is slowly scabbing over.

thank you.

***don't forget to sign in on the 'armchair traveler' post if you haven't done so already. drawing is on saturday.***


diane said...

you love your 3 children as much as i love my mel...and for that i know we have both been blessed beyond measure~

tsdumont said...

YOU my friend are stronge and *inspiring*. you can just read the goodness in you through your blog.

you keep on unpeeling grrrrl! because you are BEAUTIFUL!!


Keely said...

I lovelovelove your fishies!!! So cool!!!

fiwa said...

Girl, that bit about Sage calling you and wanting to hang out on his day off makes me tear up. That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard. You done good. Hug yourself.

A toast to unpleeling!
love ya,

Jacquelene L. said...

Keep unpeeling, Dawn girl, your growth is a beautiful thing. Congratulations on your etsy shop, very cool! The collages are awesome, keep the art coming!!

I love your self-portrait you have a gorgeous smile.

Keep shining!
Jacquelene L.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking exactly what fiwa just posted. Yes, you have done very well.

Life challenges us. You've stepped up to the net and lobbed it back over "take that" and "in your face"!!!!!!!!!! have done well! :-)


LIsa Hoffman said...

The Buddhists remind us that the only thing that we can count on is CHANGE.
You are standing up and raising your hand for the Transformation Assignment that many people fear.
I'm clapping and tossing supplies from Trader Joe's for the journey.

We love you, Brave One.


Rebecca said...

gorgeous imagery and lovely thoughts on identity.

jackie said...

Well I knew I loved you already, but now it's just beyond.

Madeline L'Engle's books are so wonderful that I take them out and read them again every few years. I was Meg. I can easily see you as the beautiful, violet-eyed Mrs. Murray, and I'd love to share a cup of cocoa with you on a stormy night.

I'm sorry you had to go through these trials but so proud to see you morphing into an even more beautiful swallowtail.

Ginni Dee said...

Dawn, you're going to be fine. You're just too cool to be anything else!

You will unpeel just like you do everything else in your life...with great grace and class!


Sigrid said...

Unpeeling may be hurtful, but what eventually emerges from below is all the more beautiful and fresh. I wish you all the luck in your new skin.

Sis said...

Amazing kids raised by an amazing mom.

Unwrap those layers as needed, Dawn, I can guarantee you'll find nothing but an awesome woman anywhere you look in there.

anne said...

Dawn, your description of this process is so evocative. I still enjoy rereading the L'Engle books :-)

Rachel Louise said...

Ms. Houser, just to let you know--

You are WAY cooler than Mrs. Murry! ^_^

You are doing a wonderfull job at unwraping and I know that you will go far.

Good luck!

Renee said...

I just found your blog through Kerri's Blog Party and I must say that you will keep unpeeling and pulling back layers of a strong women and just from reading your blog I know that you are a beautiful women with three amazing kids, you'll find yourself and I think you will be amazed at what is there.
Also enjoy the journey because Ithink this will make you a better and more talented women, more so than you are already. Here is to your adventure and journey, I know there is just a magical glistening gal ready to find out all sorts of new things.

Alison Gibbs said...

You will emerge from your cocoon just like a beautiful butterfly.
The proof in what a great person you are is definitely Sage wanting to chill out with you.
Take care my new Blog friend.

A bird in the hand said...

I just want to wrap my arms around you.