Wednesday, July 30, 2008

to lay down my armor

to lay down my armor

some may read this and still not acknowledge the hand of God on their shoulder or the safety of His seatbelt during their day, but something nothing short of a miracle happened yesterday.

i was able to forgive completely.

hurt and anger had been my bedfellows for months and my constant companions with their yardstick and measuring tape reminding me of the damage. if i had been a naysayer before, i would surely not be one today. maybe, my impatience won and i was tired of waiting, but i believe that God gave me a homecooked lil' bitchslap with the whisper of 'you will thank Me later, girl.'

there are things that we each can do well. um, make a mean soup or a heavenly pesto, or sew the perfect hem, but to lay down my armor? the armor was the very essence of me, but was slowly sinking me and that very essence. it was the hurtingest of hurt and it is gone. *poof* really, just like that, y'all.

last night, i realized that sometimes within the power of remembering is the power to forget and that to survive and to mend are sometimes two different things. i didn't want to just survive, but to mend, as well.

cuz seriously now, what good is a joyful girl with a broken soul?

25 comments:

realityphotography said...

*sigh*
the relief of all that carried weight.

an endeared scar is far better than an open wound.

release.
----------------------------------
the song called Lullaby came to mind by 'pedro the lion' (an alternative/faith based band from Seattle)

The Landscaper said...

A most profound moment my sweet.
AMEN Sistah Girl :)
XXOO

Ruth Hull Chatlien said...

I'm so glad for you to find this release.

fiwa said...

He is literally my seatbelt.

I have been lucky enough to experience that *poof* when resentment is gone too. It's an amazing feeling, isn't it? And where that hole is, where the resentment was, will be filled with Love.

Now go take your bare nekkid self out and run around and cause some trouble.

love you -
fiwa

jackie said...

It may have seemed like "POOF" but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's been growing in you all along.

Every decision you've made in the past year or so has been healthy, optimistic, forward thinking rather than pastclinging. I'm so happy for you my friend.

Sis said...

Layin down the armor means you can pick up your heart, climb back up on your Pegasus (he's been waiting for you!), and hi-ho, Silver, awaaaay! You're light as a feather, now!

Fly, girlita!
XOXOXOXO

sigrid said...

you're an amazing woman!

Marilyn said...

Now that the armor is gone, kick it to the curb!

The armor has been your cocoon...and you are now emerging fresh, revitalized and beautiful. Couldn't be happier for you!!!!!

Val said...

Indeed.

nikkipolani said...

That is a miracle, Dawn. My heart is glad for you.

karenleigh said...

you're just something else.

Jill said...

yay d!...aint God grand?! :)
i miss your face...call me when you're on 35 and i'll meetcha at starbucks with my hooligans

Jill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

DDRIO,
WOW what a relief. I feel lighter for you! AMEN! Love, JFAP.

Sue Simpson said...

You are amazing! Inspiring! Real..love how you write and appreciate your sharing. Always a treat to visit your blog. Your new Home looks wonderful...it seems you've unpacked more than those heavy boxes....ahhh...

A bird in the hand said...

What can I say? You said it all. And I can truthfully say, I know exactly how you feel. The burden of being hurt and angry gets so heavy, you have to throw it off a cliff and get happy again.

kiss-kiss

Ginni Dee said...

You will be all the better for it. Life is so much easier this way.

love you
XOXOXOX

michelle ward said...

dawn - this was so something i needed to hear...so while you were fessing your own soul you totally made lightbulbs go off over heads around the globe. that loud *phew*? i heard it too.

Andie-The Brown Bee said...

Epiphany becomes you....float on chicalita! =0]
xoxoxo

Real Live Lesbian said...

I need to do the very same thing. Well said. I think forgetting might just do the trick.

machinarex said...

Cheers for the laying down of armor...it's an amazing thing, isn't it?

machinarex said...

Cheers for the laying down of armor...it's an amazing thing, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

j'dawn.
thinking of you today..

&
now the wiz.

don't cha carry nothin'
that might be a load.

(or something of the sort.)

here's to freedom.
maybe it always be yours..

love to you,
julie

Scheherazaad said...

I am sooo happy for you. You are totally amazing! You go girl!!

Ginni Dee said...

Okay girlie girl...you laid down your armor, but I hope you didn't lay down your blog!! Where you been? I'm missing my dawnie fix!

XOXOXOX