i was so touched by fiwa's post that i was compelled to take her up on the letter challenge of my writing to my thirteen-year old self. if you feel so inclined, take the challenge yourself.
before i write, i have been thinking too much again and this time it is about the hits and misses of blogging. i don't think that what i have to write is deemed worthy for anyone to read, but it is the process and as one of those rubber stamps say 'it is not the destination, but the journey.' so, say an amen with me and let's bump hips.
to blog on a public forum rather than a private forum is a tad bit scary. it opens up your thoughtreadership to your neighbors, coworkers & colleagues and down to the XYZs. but seriously what good is opening up and exploring if you don't, uh, open up and explore? yeah, you put yourself out there with a chance of judgment but i am going to take the chance.
dear 13yearold dawn,
i am writing to you on the other side of where you are now and by the way, you are the age that your daughter is now. before i break into this letter, if you ever get a chance to take a chillpill. do it whenever you get a bloody chance. lighten up. you don't have to carry the weight of the world or your family on your shoulders. you are only thirteen.
you are weathering your parent's recent divorce and life as a teenage girl just fine. keep telling yourself that you are just a kid. it is okay to be a kid and not have the responsibilities of an adult. don't dig yourself in too much or you are going to have a hard time digging yourself back out. junior high can suck, but your experience will benefit you later.
okay, a few things you need to remember:
1) i only wish that you could see how different beauty and nerdiness is embraced now. it would give you courage & belief in yourself at thirteen and the courage to rock it and celebrate it instead of getting a complex.
2) it is okay to let your little light shine. you don't have to snuff it out to avoid all of the good stuff. you are worthy and deserve it.
3) lateblooming is wonderful. by the way, 2008 is going to be a good year for you. you don't want to peak in junior high or high school or, hell, even college. blooming in your 40s rocks. you are a freak, but a good little latebloomin' freak.
4) if someone judges you, don't carry that judgment in your heart for years. doing that makes their problem your problem. your problems then turn around to be someone else's. you don't need the extra burden or to pass it on. it doesn't burn any extra calories or anything of value. it just burns a hole in your heart.
5) when you meet the love of your life, jump into it like you will, but don't lose your identity in the process. save your core for yourself. you two are going to have three beautiful freakilicious children and all of the sacrifices will be worth it. you are going to learn a lot in the faraway year of 2007.
6) when you have those babies, sign up for an epidural as soon as you can and eat all of the holiday italian cookies at court street bakery in brooklyn that you possibly can. eat each one like it is your last cuz you will move and not get one for a long time.
7) hug all of those friends in los angeles and brooklyn hard cuz you won't see them for a long time. let the cadence of traffic and the sounds of the city imprint on your soul so you can replay them. when you five are swinging together at prospect park, hold that memory so you can replay it over and over. store up the good times. while your arms are open, keep them open to embrace all of the new friends that come into your life.
8) if someone doesn't love you, it is their loss. when God shuts a door, start making some kickass curtains for the window that He will open. learn to let the burdens roll off your back. you don't have to store them for good measure.
9) believe that you can do anything if you put your back and booty into it.
10) work on forgiveness now. you might just be forgiven later.
stop reading this letter and go have fun. remember not to underlive life. learn now how to rock it like a rockstar.
oh, don't even think about tanning with johnson's baby oil and iodine in the bottle. what will you be thinking?
xoxox to you, you fragile freak...
you on the other side